Gone are the days when young women would sit in groups around older women and listen to sound advice about life in general. From kitchen lessons and house-keeping to bedroom behavior, girls would be taught the length and breadth of being a fully grown woman.
The absence of electronic devices and media platforms we have today made it very easy to gather a group of girls in the evening around a kitchen fire and tell stories and anecdotes. This was the prime time for passing on vital information about morals, norms and values of the society. This was how society at that time ensured that a young girl grew up knowing how to become a good wife and mother in the future.
Today, life is fast-paced, stressful and full of sudden changes that leave us with no time to sit around and talk. Well, almost no time at all! The average young woman of today is hard-pressed for time between college, working, going to school part-time and having an active social life. Time to sit down and reflect on who she is or where she is going in life is seldom found. The core values of society that were there in the 60’s to the 80’s are no longer passed on from generation to generation, and life has become a rigorous cycle of simply trying to make ends meet.
Consequently, many are making serious mistakes as they grow up simply because no-one taught them how to avoid such mistakes in the first place. Examples are unwanted pregnancies, abortions, pornography, sex outside marriage, wrong career choices, dropping out of school, and so on.
Although we cannot go back to the traditional set-up of teaching and advising young women, there’s something that can be done that will still produce the same effect: mentoring.
Mentoring is a process where the older or more experienced woman walks the younger one through various stages of life in a relationship that is friendly and mutually beneficial. Each one has an opportunity to learn from the other and the set-up can be either formal or informal. It can be done in a group setting for girls in the same age-group or class in school, or it can be done on a one-on-one basis. The key thing is to have an arrangement that will work in the girls’ favor and produce the best results.
The mentoring process can begin at any point in the life of the mentee but the best time to start is during a girl’s pre-teen years, from around nine years of age. This is around the time when girls begin to experience puberty and they need to learn how to take care of their bodies. They are also moving towards teenage years when they want to be more independent, make their own decisions, choose special relationships, and so on. They need a lot of guidance so that they make the right choices.
Remember that the purpose of the ‘walking with her’ is to influence her thoughts, attitudes, choices and lifestyles for good. You want to deposit a good thing in her that will enable her to be successful later on in life, whether it’s in marriage, social relationships, career, or business.
Parental mentoring
Involving parents during a young girl’s mentoring process can be a great idea (especially for school-run programs) because it offers opportunity to get feedback on what is happening on the home-front. The parents also get updates on what their children are involved in or discussing with others. Too many times, parents have no clue as to what is going on in the private lives of their children. They get to know only when the children are already in big trouble, like being taken to a juvenile facility. I believe that this should not be so, and one way to help is by getting parents involved in the mentoring program.
Another option is for a parent to do the mentoring. It may sound strange to some but parents can easily double up as mentors because they know their children better. They are also in a better position to go deeper in terms of asking questions and doing follow up than a third party. If there is a strong bond of trust between mother and daughter it makes it easier for them to relate and this enhances the mentoring process. Girls are naturally inclined to want to ape their mothers especially if they admire and respect them. This can be used to advantage in the mentoring relationship. What better person to teach housekeeping, good grooming, etiquette and marriage tips than the woman who gave birth to me and brought me up?
How can a mother mentor her daughter?
Mentoring a girl in the 21st century may not be as easy as it was in the early days. You may need to have a good plan and some tactics up your sleeve in order to succeed. Here are some ideas:
Go out together once in a while. It could be dinner, lunch, coffee, shopping, visiting someone, art gallery, museum – the list is endless. Discover what you both like doing and this becomes a chance to discuss issues of the heart.
Recommend good books to read. This is especially helpful if in line with her career aspirations. If possible, read them also so that she can approach you with questions. This point shows that you have an interest in her intellectual development and well-being.
Get to know her friends (peers) and interact with them often. Girls tend to tell each other a lot of ‘secrets’ which simply translates to what is closest to their hearts. If they are in a bad relationship or in trouble of some kind sometimes the friends are the ones with the clues.
When giving her advice be direct and open. Do not hide anything from her (she’ll probably find out soon enough) and let your own experiences in the past whether good or bad be learning points for her. In other words, do not be afraid of opening up your own life to your daughter.
All in all, find a way of walking with a younger girl through life’s stages, whether it is your daughter or someone else’s. It is a great way of contributing to the development of the younger generation.
